Homosexuality and a father's broken heart- by Fola Ojo

 

All the while, the suspicion had been hanging in the clouds. Friends and relatives had discussed it in hushed tones. And the neighbours had talked about it in whispers. No one was sure that it actually happened. “Is it true? No, it can’t be true. Not in this family. That’s not how they were raised. And that’s not how they raised their children. Everybody in their lineage was nurtured in church under the guide of the Holy Spirit. So, it can’t be true,” they had argued.


Mr. and Mrs. Dennis Duru (not their real names) are Nigerians. They are blessed with three children, two girls and a boy. The oldest child, Ashley, had graduated from college and worked in Baltimore. The second child, Asher, was in his second year in an Oklahoma college. Debra is the baby of the house and she was in the 10th grade in high school.

The Durus had left Nigeria to settle in the United States. They lived in Tulsa for 20 years. Before their trip to the US, Mr. Duru worked in a commercial bank as an accountant in Lagos. Suddenly, some new banking policies cost him his job. While he was busy thinking about what else to do, a letter arrived from the US Embassy. He learnt that he just won a Visa Lottery. What a relief!

Duru didn’t have to beg anyone to fund his journey to the US. He had saved up enough money. Eventually he left Nigeria with his pregnant wife and five year-old daughter for Deep South Oklahoma.

The Durus were staunch members of a popular Pentecostal church in Nigeria. They had no difficulty tagging on to the Oklahoma church environment. One particular weekend, the couple had taken time off from work to relax, hold hands, and smooch a bit. They had been working too long and hard in the preceding nine months because there were bills to pay and debts to service, a situation that summed up the doctrine of survival in the land-of-the-free and the home-of-the-brave. If you are an immigrant living in America, you must work hard to be able to walk tall.

And then, on that fateful Saturday, the news broke. Asher, the only male child born in the US shortly after the Durus arrived in the country, approached his parents. He sat around the fireplace with them for about half-hour. He laughed only when they did and spoke only when spoken to. Then, the moment came. Asher had an idea of what his parents’ response would be. It was a moment that he had awaited for three years.

“Dad, mum, I want to tell you something. I don’t know how you will take this,” he began.

“What is it, my friend? Don’t tell me you failed Math again,” Daddy responded in a firm and authoritative voice.


“No, Dad. I am 21 years old. I am now a man. A man should know not just what he wants in life; but who he is”. An unusually calm and patient Duru was all ears. Then, the bombshell dropped: “Dad, Mum, I’m gay!”

The sun must have stood still in the firmaments. The moon must have shifted position from its Welkin space. The heavens were about to fall. A deep silence greeted Asher’s confession and it was so pervasive that one could hear the sound of a pin drop. It was as if the Durus had gone into catastrophic coma. What happened next?

What is considered normal and politically correct in the western part of the world is deemed weird and wacky in Nigeria. Today in most parts of Africa, homosexuality is not just considered a psychiatric illness; it is deemed a curse. Ask U.S President Barak Obama. His ears were full of yucky push-backs from an adamant Kenyan President Uhuru Kenyatta, who wanted the world to know that in his country, men don’t smooch around with men.

Also, ask Obama what President Muhammadu Buhari told him when American senators attempted to build a freeway into the heart of Nigerians about some human rights singsong from Washington politicians who do not live in the African world. So, keep your preaching on tolerance to yourself before you jump on the airplane to Lagos. Same-sex marriage in Africa is not considered a human rights debate; it is a sickness.

Although it is widely abhorred, some men still sneak into the closet under the cover of darkness to smooch up with one another. Same-Sex Marriage Prohibition Act of 2014 criminalises homosexuality in Nigeria. If you broke the law, you would be wining and dining for 14 years in jail with hardened criminals. The wine will not be sweet and the dinner will be bitter.

But, what will you do when your own child announces that he or she is gay? Church folk may say, “I reject that in Jesus name”. Similarly, traditional people may say, “No, not in my house; it doesn’t run in my family”. The bolder ones may say, “Oh I will kill him and kill myself.” And those who are spiritual may declare: “I will pray the demon out by fire and by thunder”.

If it happens to you; you will be numb and confused. You have prayed to walk your son down the aisle some day. But, it should not be to get ‘married’ to another man.

If same-sex relationships are considered a scourge, then it has ravaged the homes of some ‘very solid’ Christian families. Many African homes have been hit by the wave in the Western part of the world. When I came to America, gay-marriage was an abomination. Today, it is acceptable. It may become compulsory tomorrow. You never can tell. Times have changed, my friends!

In 2001, about 57 per cent of the American population opposed same-sex marriage. By 2015, the gap between those who supported and opposed it had closed up significantly. Right now, 72 per cent of Americans under the age of 30 now favour same-sex marriage, while 37 per cent strongly oppose it. Young people are embracing the lifestyle and Asher Duru falls into this category. Don’t forget that gay marriage is now legalised in all the 50 states of the United States.

In Africa, fighting against homosexual forays is like fighting against a god that is strange and deranged, afflicted and afflicting, and one stealthily coming from the backdoor to torment and swallow up a people in a destructive manoeuvre. In that spirit, the fire of the fight against homosexuality and the advocacy of its abolition will keep burning for a long time.

What happened to the Durus after the heart-breaking news from their heir-apparent? Well, Mrs. Duru wept for days! “What did we do wrong?”she kept asking herself and her husband. Over time, she got over it and embraced her child. “My son is lost, but he will be found. God will bring him back,” she told her friends.

On the other hand, it was too difficult for Daddy Duru to walk as far as his wife. He began with rage, followed up with bottled-up anger and bitterness that eventually slid into depression and isolation from friends who heard the news.

In the US, there is little that parents can do to stop a grown-up child who has chosen to pursue this abominable and sickening lifestyle. All you can do is to pray, like Mrs. Duru, to God to “bring back” your child.

*Written pieces and contributions on this platform are the opinions of the writers only and do not represent the opinions of frankomereji's blog*